Friday, December 28, 2007

thesis

Chapter One


On August 18th two children are born, which means their parents had done it approximately nine months before in mid-December. To this day that is why they both love snow. "To share the same birthday is something special and unusual," he would tell her one day, but until that day comes she is waiting.


In their young lives both become independent and their interests prove fruitful - having all the potential in the world. Evading society and friends was not always possible, or necessarily beneficial, yet imaginative children find the best time is spent in the singular. While dinosaurs romp through the pages of books, I find myself dumbstruck when asked if God exists. As children, we dreamed of God, of purpose, of Atlantis, we thought we dreamed of each other.


"How long have you liked me?"


"Oh, since forever. How could I not, you are such a nice person."


It seems cliche, but under the dock that night there was a shooting star; stars today only yield false prophets, but still we dream.


On February 10th, 1995, she becomes scared that her parents will forget about her at school and not pick her up. Across the globe at the same time, his parents have once again forgotten their son, both claiming the other parent was to retrieve him that afternoon. A ghost wind swept across a missing continent while one lets unwanted fear manipulate her life and the other quietly stashes all undeserved sadness under his pillow. We ziplock these memories and save them for a better time.


Chapter Two


They receive good grades and are considered smart by piers. They are not touched, but secretly desired by all.


Chapter Three


Julia sits in the back seat of her mom's car as her best friend holds a sharpie marker to her ear, designating the piercing location. Why do you only want one ear pierced, her best friend asks her. One is special, she responds. Whatever, and he clicks the gun and she doesn't feel a thing. Oh the things we do when we are young.


Back in the countryside, a bird becomes a excited and clings to his favorite bell. He regurgitates seed for his toy; this is the highest form of flattery to be given by a bird to a person, or in this case, from a bird to a bell.


As for Samuel, we can only guess. He is out on a river somewhere, the quick waves give him a rush similar to what lust must feel like. Water gushes in as he flips over, and he hears his brother call out for him. He surfaces right away, breathing heavily and opening his eyes really wide and then blinking them. He laughs at the thrill of it all. Why would their be long term side effects? Oh, what we will do for a good time.


Nearby, a dog has wandered far off course and boarded a bus for the city. After a moment of self realization he gets off and walks home, missing something or someone.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

matador

a game of dominance and control. you are in control, i am in the spotlight still being digested by onlookers. my stomach fluxuates with a tick tick tick. soon my secret will come clean because it's been in for so long. i don't want to work it out but oh julia you know you really want to work it out. the world tells you that this is so so so abusive for you but that makes you want it all the more. it's up to you to draw the line, but you know it makes you sick.


how harder do you want it. i told them on my application i wanted to change the world but look here i can hardly change myself. my boots are too tight but they cinch my calfs so they look so nice. this song makes me want to look up words in my dictionary so I can be as cool as her, but i know it will never make you sick because you and your stomach can't risk a move

Sunday, December 02, 2007

the ghost is not enough

which was an interesting sentence to come out of the library last night. ricky and i stumbled across george bernard shaws "on going to church" and read aloud the first few pages which made us chuckle. along with that there were penny whistles and self conscious stuttering.


when I walk along the streets I listen to music and my mind pretends that i sing them, and then come home and sing aloud in my room. i don't know if anyone hears.


my time is somewhat more pieced together at this point but there are weak points when my mind begins to wonder. I wonder....does this in between year ever matter? what has really changed between us? am i making this more complicated than it should be?
does he know where to place me, does he know what to think of me, am i in the wrong? why do i still want him? everyday it's the only thing i want, it has driven all other need out of me. his ghost is not enough for me to wrap my hands around anymore. all i do is miss my papa.