12/12

Just got resituated after being home from work. Forgot what it's like to do eight hour days there. I seem to have also developed a head ache and feel somewhat tempted to go to bed right now. My review board went well. They said I was "on the edge of the cliff" and it was time to jump off or go backwards. I figured this is what they say to most juniors at this point, in other words, get your act together. Except in my case I was told my act was overly together and to try to make mistakes once in a while.
My room feels really empty now that my roomate has gone. It's good and bad at the same time. Kind of lonely but it is nice to just come home and not think about trying to talk to someone else.
I'm helping out my friend tomorrow with her board, which ended up being able to work out because I switched shifts with someone....they just happened to ask if i could.

sunday sunday

What a nice day at work. I love my job, I'm excited for the holidays. I need to bring in more crane earrings for next times...only two pairs left. I made my first Nomad Cd mix, which made my day lovely listening to some of my favorite tunes at work. Put some money down on the cydwoq bag, which I am super excited about. My roomate is playing the rent sndtk now- I love listening to her singing along... and oh how I love musicals...they have a lot of sentimental value for me....very high school...i love them.

I've been trying to get better at the piano lately. I keep waiting for my nick cave piano book to come in, because the one they sent me before was defecctive and had marker scribbles all over it!! yuck! nevertheless I photo copied one of the songs out of it that was readable.

my knitted shawl is coming along, but i need to spin more yarn so that I can keep going. Ricky is starting to spin! He is so cute, I'll have to post a picture of his first ball of yarn. He was so proud of himself, and I was too. I'm happy that he is finding so other activity for himself. Now I'm just worrying he's going to get better than me!

it is lovely out!

I got up early to take out the trash today, infact, I think I might be getting some muscles from doing this activity three times a week!

Wow, I really love brit pop. I could write forever about how much I love this topic. Last night as I got out of class I decided to see if I could get into the Matmos show across the street, surprisingly not sold out! So I caugh the last half hour of that, a very sound art experiance. I had wanted to go but I didn't want to put the money out for it...but since I got there late and with my handy mfa ID =free! yay! Anyways, when I got out the show it was very pleasing to me to see a yound kid sporting the Blur hamburger logo on his shirt, how sweet. What happened to this great time period in the 90's?

Today will be really nice. I'm doing laundry which needed to be done, knitting my shawl, and my all time favorite activity: puttering. I finished (pretty much) my items for the open yours too trade! I'm really happy with the way they turned out. I'm so excited!

four glasses

I have a tendency to let empty water glasses linger in my room.

I just got back from having a late breakfast withy Stacy, my beloved boss/friend who is departing from Tufts to move on to bigger and better things. I had a quite tasty rum raisin scone, the frosting however, was a little too sweet for me. When I have a scone, I don't want something particulary sweet, kind of bready with a hint of sweet. That doesn't really make sense does it.

I've been listening to "Romeo and Juliet" by the Dire Straits on repeat now for the past to days. As has been pointed out to me, I become somewhat obsessive about certain songs, thinking they are brilliant and wonderful. It's not that I've never listened to the song before, but I get into little ruts like this.

I've also lost my T pass, which is disturbing to me. Luckily there isn't much left to July (not that I don't like July, I just don't like losing things). And now I feel guilty about getting on the T because I hate knowing that I could have gotten on it by just swiping a card.

In addition , I've cancelled my "Cutie" subscription (the japanese fashion magazing that comes with a free toy). I must cut down on expenses, and considering I don't read the language, I thought it might be good to stop this "extra". However, I found it very necessary to purchase this fun striped England shirt to celebrate by attatchment to the country. Such is my reasoning. But recently, I doubt my ability to be rational in my reasoning. oh well!

frozen milk

I just made dinner. I bought these veggie "chicken" cutlets which I had tried at Ricky's party....very tasty! Then I reallized while I was making them that I didn't want to eat them plain....so naturally they turned in fajitas. It was exciting, but it definetly needed a sauce. My milk always freezes in the fridge, why is this?

Work was really slow today, especially after 4:00....it was so dead! I bet everyone was out enjoying the weather and at the beach, I am very jealous! I made this pretty exciting green necklace at spark the other night. It is very loud and heavier than most necklaces i am used to, you can kind of see it in this picture...but it's blending in with my shirt.
I need a new knitting project very badly. I was thinking armwarmers for this upcoming fall/winter? I need suggestions...I certainly have enough scarves.
when I move into my new home I am going to simplifly. I will not bring so much stuff with me. I think I'd like to go with a light blue theme.

july 8th

I filled in for someone at nomad today- my first saturday working there. It wasn't that busy at all today- very dead in fact. I've come to understand that people just love talking on their phones very loudly in stores so that everyone can hear, in addition, people also like to stay on their phones while trying on clothes and while paying. Customers, please step outside if your call can not wait.

I waited for a half hour for the train to come- yes! I was being lazy and did not want to walk. Well, there was a man down there, clearly not all there, continuously repeating "I talked to conductor upstairs and he said that there is construction going on a charles street and that the train should be here in five to ten minutes....in five to ten minutes, it will be here shortly..."etc, I felt bad for him, but it was still kind of funny. I think he was autistic the way he was obsessing about 5 minutes, ten minutes, and then talking about how much he paid for his soda and where he could get it 5 cents cheaper....number repetition. Unfortunately, he also smelled bad. So, giving up on waiting for the train, I walked home, while directing another person towards davis.

Now, having sucessfully filled my stomach with a frozen dinner entree, being Amy's cheese enchiladas - I am quite satisfied. I even licked the sauce off the plate.

old bathroom wallpaper

We went to pick peas and water the tomatoes in Ellington, and I walked around taking pictures of the cracks in the basement, and also, the wall paper in the bathroom.

Well, my schedule has now changed quite a bit, I've lost some hours at the library, dropping to 12 versus the previous 17, how sad. And none of the hours are with my friend, who is moving from boston shortly. I might run over to spark later and see if it's too late to sign up for the class tonight....I've never used my free class yet, and I thought, why not tonight, before I move from the area and switch over to down town.

That's right, I'll be moving mid-August. I've temporarily had enough of apartment living....and when I went to try to find a new apartment, well, things in the area are not in great condition, and nevertheless, they are so expensive! So as not to disclose the exact place I shall be living, let's just say I found a great place in Beacon hill- yes, yes, a very nice place, which under most circumstances I would never be able to live in in my dreams. To put it simply, I am very excited. =)

i'm so bored and at the library right now. will be going home though after this, don't know how long it will take to get to riverside though. The Nick cave dvd is playing right next to me, pretty exciting that we have that here i think! even though i've watched many many times before. this new (well, old) pulp cd is blowing my mind across the table....it's the "on fire" cd....consisting of many songs which i thought it was aabout time that I owned, no? maybe i should start buying more cds that i should own by now.

I meet with my new potential roomate on monday, her name is julia also, isn't that funny. i re-read a sandman book and it was as good as i remembered. I think when i run home quickly after this i will grab the next two to read. i need to get my read on. i just finished "codex" which was entertaining for the kind of trash that i love so much. i could read so many of those kinds of books, books about religious controversies or hidden documents which would be threatening to modern person.

this summer has been very uneventful so far. i got the flu- which of course when you are sick you feel like the world is going to end and you are never going to get better. that's how i felt, most certainly.

im not in bed yet

i'm such an old fart i go to bed much earlier than all these youngins. and i'm not twenty for a few more months, but i fell like i've been stuck in the teens for quite some time now. Just was flipping through some things. wow someone has a very strong vibrator on their telly! (nothing to do w ith the previous sentence).

this morning consisted of feeling sick and not going in to volunteer. i continue to feel somewhat sick , but in the meantime i bought a much wanted pair of jeans (all the ones i have that i love have holes in the crotch). saw caroline for a lil bit and then had cheese and crackers and watched antiques roadshow at her apartment. start the library job tomorrow woot!

all the sticky tack keeps melting on my walls and i don't know why, it's not even warm out.
got a lot of hair chopped off in northampton when i went home this past weekend. it was an envigorating experience.
in addition, i went through old photos while home. quite some funny ones i'd like to send out to people. weird to read about where people are these days. or people that at one time were really important to you, are they still important?

where can i find bensimon elasticized tennis shoes in the US????

a little research

I found this comforting and entertaining. should i give it to her?


It is truly a matter of projection, but this projection is not just one thing.(2) I can attribute to another my own feelings, ascribe to him my own faults. I can imagine him the author of my failures, see in his strength the excuse for my weakness. I shall project onto him the image of my disorder. I shall attack believing that I am defending myself, forgetting that I delivered the blows. Thus I shall escape the nameless anguish, the obscure ruminations in which I threw at myself the blocked game of my strength. I shall attack instead of attacking myself. Thereby I shall gain first of all a little more happiness. One fights badly at night; it is good to attack this or that enemy, truly real, very visible before the projector of hatred. Totally floundering among his first failures, the timid man does not have time to hate; it is with himself that he is angry. Hatred will free him, at least ostensibly, from the wrappings and shackles; he will stop suffocating in the asphyxia of auto-aggression. The walls of his prison recede. He finally has some elbow-room for his combat. Projection turns timidity into hatred; it finally puts my own strength to work in the world.


However, I find in it only breathing space. As in the tale by Poe, moving walls close in around me. I shall accuse another in order to divert my remorse, but new remorse, heavier, will follow my calumny. I shall accuse more violently to ward off the resurgence of my increased guilt. I have not suppressed, I have simply delayed the aggressive return of my blocked strength. The counter-blow comes from further away, and also hits harder.

I thought to have thrown my captive energy outside of me. But here it is thrown back at me. An infernal circle of projection and hatred. The more I hate, says Baruk, (3) the more I tend to punish myself; increased, my remorse engenders new hatred. At the limit this projection runs aground in delirium. The timid man slides down into melancholy, and from melancholy to persecution. An alibi is not a transference.

oh my god, why am i listening to oasis?

yes, i'm quite a traitor, aren't i?

well, i have two exams left. scandinavian lit. tomorrow, and then hopefully the sommerville open studioes will proove successful for me, even thought i didn't 'sign up'. but i need the cash because i'm worried now because they are only giving me two days at nomad this summer----eeep!!! but i just talked to stacy from scandinavian lit----an it is possible i could get a job up in the media center up at tisch library for the summer....else julia's going to have to find something else!

i've started making some zipper pouches with all the awesome fabric that i have now! it's exciting!!! i might make some more tonight if i get bored with studying.

i'm not as (oh my god i'm not going to say it) depressed as i was the other day....but honeslty i think it has a lot to do with the weather....and maybe roommates.

my head is swarming with semiotics and deconstruction

and i'm trying to take a break from it all and all that studying i've been doing today and yesterday. I feel like all the theories and names are swarming together, and turning into a big pot of porridge.
My review board is over, but lets not get into the passing travesties of yesterday including taxi cabs and faculty not showing up...yes lets not mention that.
i'm trying to decide if i want to keep living here. roomate situation still feels 2 again one. above all, i want to live i with people who are clean, nice, and want to talk to me and be friends with me. i don't want to be social crazy or anything, i just want them to talk to me. right now, whenever i talk to anyone, it is pretty much about their lives, and not much interest in asking me about mine. for instance, you would think they would know by now that our car (being my mom's dad's, and mine, i guess) got stolen and that mum might be having health problems. i'm not asking for sympathy, i'm just asking for roomates who might now more about me than that i go to school and come home and do homework.
here's a picture for your (and mine, aethetically speaking) of some buttons i've made. enjoy them.
in addition, ricky and i are celebrating being together for four years on saturday. i feel like i'm married already. at least, until someone comes along and fits into the archetype i've created of the ideal person who is has a british, scottish, irish, or austrailian accent, and maybe at some point is a professor at a prestigious university. just kidding....maybe.

my feet hurt!

so that's what i get when i where those boots all day and walk around town- have to remind myself to not do that again!! but i know i never remember!
tools for thinking about art is almost done...and so is everything else. few more projects, exams, etc, and we will be done. "woo hooo!"
very torn about our anniversary....and i was hoping he would be able to help me out with my board...but i guess well. no need to go into it.
poored out many a things to someone family related, and i hope it didn't offend them. oh well..

where' khufu???

that has been the thought that has pulled and yanked at my brain for the past 4 hours, and alas, no results.

so, i think i've notice a trend, i always write here when i'm tired and somewhat disgruntled. but for the time being i will fixate on the lovely music coming from my compute, being that of pride and prejudice. wouldn't it be lovely to dance with mr. darcy? I would quite fancy that. In fact, I wonder if i'm really doing the right thing now, you know with the current relatioship. maybe there's some one else out there who would fit me better....not that i don't love him or anything, but sometimes it doesn't feel quite right...and sometimes i think he feels that too. but there's no need to do anything rash now, there's no need to hurry anything. things will work out whatever way they are supposed to go.

gosh you know, when george reisner wrote about his findings he really did write. not that he wasn't good at it, but as a person who has way to much on her brain right now, i find it difficult to take it all in, in addition the AH reading on semiotics seems quite beyond me. I think art history (AH) has reached a point where everyone is making it up as they go along, in fact, they are trying to make these seemingly complicated analysis' (sp?) which in the end come across as stupid rather than astonishing. but maybe to the more learned art historian i have no idea what i am talking about. i enjoyed iconography....but then again i am sleepy.

in the meantime, enjoy this photo (whoever you are) of my open yours too package. I sent it out today to canada - i hope it gets there, i seem to have bad luck with things arriving.

spring

i'm home right now on school break -sitting up on my bunk bed and picking up the internet next door (which chap lets me do, by the way). The heat is blasting - it's so cold and windy out. i'm actually glad to be out of boston for a little bit because it was getting a little too clastrophobic in the apartment, and in the city in general. work was long today , at least longer than i'm used to, i was filling in for a girl who went to florida...lucky her with the warm weather (not that i would pick florida, that is. but i would be happy with anything right now!)

gravity, sigh.

mum and i will be going to osgoods this week (and amazing crazy fabric store) and everything's pretty cheap there too. then maybe even go to nyc on friday.....but first i really must do some school work. and in the meantime, i will go to bed. good night!

loney and tiredy night

too many boat pits for one person, i say. i'm homeworked out- well i know i'm just taking a short break- ohwell. mom came up today and we ran around trying to find fabric for the geometric. i finally found some at winmill dowtown (yes there is no d in winmill, even though i wish there was.) now i'm drinking coke -yay. but i'm afraid my money has probably gone down since yesterday with taking mum out for lunch and everything. yoshie and justin got a hold of me...it was really awesome to here from them. i'm the only one in the house right now and i really hope you know who doesn't come home-because some one else is gone for the weekend and i want to talk to him first before i confront her bout all that cal. away i go.

harald harfagre

i'm drinking a lot of coke tonight. i don't know why . i've been trying to come up with a project for my scadinavian lit class, and i thought i might use my dala horse...oh but it's cheating i know and i want to do something new anyways.

in addition, i've been looking over the geaneology stuff grandpa gave to me (and in those days i think ididn't appreciate it enough) and of course, I remember it all had to do with a man named Herlog Hudfat (how odd of a name) and a norwegian king. now reading it all over again, i think i had though Herlog was the scandinavian king- but they seem to be to different people. infact, for the pleasure of all reading, i could type out a list of how my family descends from Harald-fine hair, the first king to unite norway in the 9th century. but that would take many pages, and a lot of my time, but it's good enough for me to know that the documentation is all sitting right next to me and that i am, in fact, royalty.

and, i just finished my AH reading....a particular one by jo anna issak which talks about mothers of invention, and how many women artists today are honoring their mothers by doing geneaological research. funny timing.

P.s. here' s a picture of the yellow curry i consumed last saturday. doesn't it make you want some?

entitlement

oh what a long day, school (printing) then lunch including studying, then more printing, then meeting with the role playing group, then knitting w/ the nomad crew. the last event of the night was clearly the most exciting! i'm so exhausted now, not tired but just exhausted. i'm definetly thinking over what my schedule should be like next semester, because this half time/half time thing is really wearing me down. I just have so much to do I'm ready to explode. I don't know why I'm trying to do so much.

in top of all that, I'm absolutely nervous about my tufts app- a lot more people I've heard have applied. it makes me really wonder what kind of a person i am. if that stuck up bitch who was mean to katie gets in i willl be sooo pissssed...

on another topic, one which has troubled me for some time- entightlement and learned helplessness. oh god i could really go on forever about it. my dad's side of the family (but not my dad, m ind you) is so increadibly self centered- somehow, they believe they deserve to be the center of attention no matter what circumstances, i think i could write an essay on different examples. for instance, my uncle who runs a candy store up in p-town just assumes that it is easy for us to drive up there and stay there for three nights- it's fucking expensive out there, and then they want to go out to the most expensive restaurant on the warf and expect my father to pay for it. the whole scenario makes me really sick. it makes my mother sick too. this is only one of the examples, trust me, there are many more which i could serve to you on a silver plater. so i started observing other things in life. ..
I have also met many people (and even a current roommate now) who have a very similar mentality- that they are entitled to everything, and if they do not get their way, they will let you know...oh will they let you know.

and the thing that scares me the most is becoming something like one of these people.

I

donuts

well i need to go to work in a bout a half hour and ricky and i ran out and got donuts...i'm bringing a dozen yummy donuts to work, which i believe will be consumed quickly ( at least if I have anything to do with it!!! ) i've borrrowed my dad's camera for the weekend/week so hopefully i will be able to take some pictures of some things which i have been wanting to....ie my stuff that i make ....

we watched man in the iron mask last night ( oh how i love that movie, it's one of the few that I actually own) i think this movie didn't do to well in the theater but i don't see why, frankly i find it quite wonderful, except for those few corny lines in the movie such as "i wear the mask, the mask doesn't wear me" oh how these lines make me cringe in my seat. but otherwise, a great lil flick.

we went to the south end yesterday as well, where ricky and i both had moon cookies ( the half chocolate frosted and the half vanilla frosted ones) and they were de-lish! in addition we also ate at the wonderful cheap thai and asian restaurant down the street again with huge portions!!! why does food make me so happy? i don't know

for giggles

i'm getting tired- hey just like last time. that picture came out crooked, for that i apologize. i called emily to wish her a happy birthday. i think she was glad to hear from me. ricky's coming up tomorrow morning, and i'm excited to see him. maybe i could even get the gary graham dress this weekend? is it possible? maybe i should wait just due to logistics. i would have no where to wear it right now.

i've been working on my boat pit power point presentation most of today. and now i've rocking out to the wonderful jarvis cocker. i was finally able to find the harry potter songs online...yay! i think it would be really funny to make a jarvis powerpoint presentation. i would enjoy that. maybe i will make one for giggles. and then i could laugh and be happy about it, and it would be my own little joke.

i guess we have moths downstairs now- uhgg. and we have mice. and we are so clean too! i don't get it. but everything seems to be okay room mate wise- i'll just wait for them to come to me now. i just started Njal's Saga- it looks long but pretty good, there are so many details -just like the eddas- all these things about who is whose daughter/son and where they came from but it really does not pertain to the story itself.....oh well....to sleep i go

tired me

well, hello. that lovely picture up there is of me and ricky, mom sent it to me. i'm absolutely burned out right now. i don't like getting home at eight =(. the trek between here and smfa can get pretty tiring- especially with a very heavy back pack and a weirdo on the train who talks to himself and (i believe) calls me a fucking lesbo. there are many things wrong about that statement. lets not go there.

so all that means i'm tired. there's a lot of beans in this enchilada made by cedarlane. it's tasty, but too many beans. more cheese would be good. i need to do my egypt reading. i'm so tempted to just go to bed now. but i need to vacuum. maybe tomorrow. maybe tonight. i don't know it's been a long day. everything's almost ready for the tufts application. just got the dala horse slide from bob today. yay!! now i can send them in. bye for now.

this bothers me *see below*

lost wasn't on tonight! sadness. i've been online the past hour or so trying to find more information on marithe and francois girbaud, but alas, no one in good ole america seems to know who they are. i would give five dollars to someone could explain to me why the only thing anyone knows about them is that you see their clothes along side roca wear and baby phat and all that, but that's not the clothing that i am referring to! i don't think they are too separate labels, maybe one is like a ready to wear line and the one i'm looking for is the couture line??? honesty i don't understand. they have one store in soho that has the clothing i'm referring to- and ibiza does too i guess.

i suppose you're all wondering why i'm writing on this, well i'm going to have to write a report about a designer, and i guess i'f the only answers are in french i won't be writing about them , now will i?

check in

well ricky just left, leaving me sad and all alone. snif sniff. I really need to get stuff done thought so i suppose it would be good to have a little time to myself. i have one class on tuesday, and nothing else, and somehow i manage to be late for it. i really need to change that considering i like the class. i think that it is due to t he fact that i have multiple time zones in my house, and every clock is quite different. i feel like there are a lot of deadlines coming up soon and i have yet to begin any of the projects. i must go then.

non textile almost done

yea, so it says. and it was pretty exhausting. i'm completely mapped out and black taped out. i don't think anyone has been reading this so far, so i guess i can be completely incoherent. so much homework!! i hate reading our giza hw on the computer, my eyes can barely make out the words on the screen, but i guess that's what he does for a job , huh?

my mom sent me these really yummy valentines day sugar cookies, i'm tempted to go and have a bite right now but they are so big and i already ate one and half....whoops. i had a bite, yumm. i need the recipee and the cookie molds!!

monday

well I was motivated enough tonight to follow the list that I made- I even got a little ahead for tomorrow with my art history writing assignment as well. go ...me! wow I think I could put music on now. I wish kristin's music was online right now, but it seems she has turned it off again. I am sad to say the new Belle and Sebastian Album is not that good=( I would still like to see them when they come around in a week, but it's all sold out and the tickets are going for 60 bucks each on ebay- crazy!!! what's going on world!?

I really liked working on linoleum today instead of wood, then nothing splittered. I did a windmill on the first one we did, (pine that is) and now I'm working on a self-portrait on the lino. the selfportrait is with an view that I worked with in silver point last semester- and really liked how it turned out.

alex sent me a mixed cd, which was pretty exciting. care to here the line up? sure you do!

1. I summon you -Spoon

2. Modern Girl- Sleater-Kinney

3.Broom People- the Mountain Goats

4. You are what you love - Jenny Lewis

5. Hide and Seek- Imogen Heap

6. Hello Hello- Heart Short Hope

7. A funny thing happened on the way to the toystore - Pianosaurus

8. Be Gentle with me- The Boy Least Likely to

9. Mushaboom- Feist

10. I feel like the mother of the world - Smog

11. the purple bottle - animal collective

12. funny little frog - B&S ------yuck!!!!!

13. you you you you you- the 6ths

14. I melt with you - nouvelle vague

my stuff came!

oh hello everyone!!

here i am procrastinating doing my homework! Well, it's been a super hard day consisting of being a pest to the registrars office so that they finally let me cross-register for a class at mass art, which i have a right to because i am a full time smfa student. They just think that a half time smfa would be able to handle actually going to class most of the time. puh!! that make me so angry and i feel so dumbied down to it's pathetic.

also, to top it all off, my previous scam enounter with "entertainment rewards" via ticketmaster has come back to haunt me. After I called my bank to tell them what was going on, they said i should fill out a dispute form, which the would send to me if my money was not refunded. However, they neglected to tell me that no matter what that my debit card would be be put on hold and thus rendered useless until another one was sent in the mail to me, in springfield. i am in in boston!!!!

but, to cheer me all up my jacket came from lekkner today, which made me explode with delight in it's wonderfullness. and the day before i got my dear birthday shirt.....oh those are happy things!

my spinning skills are getting better, more of my mint chocolate chip yarn will be coming up soon. i will hopefully be selling it at spark crafts in davis sq. soo excited!

[!]

I need to get to bed, I have my first relief print class tomorrow, even thought i've done that kind of thing before. I just cleaned the kitchen floor downstairs, god i love the swiffer! I'm very much enjoying my new Cutie magazine ---it's so nice there's a store around here that carries it!

I just finished spinning two colors...more mint chocolate chip yarn on the way!!!