the ghost is not enough

which was an interesting sentence to come out of the library last night. ricky and i stumbled across george bernard shaws "on going to church" and read aloud the first few pages which made us chuckle. along with that there were penny whistles and self conscious stuttering.

when I walk along the streets I listen to music and my mind pretends that i sing them, and then come home and sing aloud in my room. i don't know if anyone hears.

my time is somewhat more pieced together at this point but there are weak points when my mind begins to wonder. I wonder....does this in between year ever matter? what has really changed between us? am i making this more complicated than it should be?
does he know where to place me, does he know what to think of me, am i in the wrong? why do i still want him? everyday it's the only thing i want, it has driven all other need out of me. his ghost is not enough for me to wrap my hands around anymore. all i do is miss my papa.